What is confidence? How can I become more confident?
‘80% of confidence is showing up’
This is a famous Woody Allen quote and one which really resonates at the moment.
Many of us for a variety of reasons, don’t show up. We don’t pur ourselves out there, we don’t push outside our comfort zone in all areas of life both personally and professionally.
So what stops us showing up?
Quite frankly, we get in our own way. We allow fear to take over, fear drives procrastination and procrastination leads to inaction and inaction diminishes our confidence leading to a snowballing effect that gets us nowhere. Throw a pandemic on top of that where we were locked up for a couple of years compounding all of this.
What exactly is confidence then?
Confidence in its simplest form is a belief that we can do something and in doing that thing, something good will happen. It is action oriented so there is always an action involve.
Ian Robertson in his famous book ‘How Confidence Works’ expands on this belief as a can do/can happen belief. Confidence differs from self-worth in this way. Self-worth is more of a belief that we are worthy and feeds into our self esteem whereas confidence is around a specific action so for example singers may feel confident going out on stage performing a song but many of them have inner gremlins which sabotage their self-worth and they believe themselves unworthy despite their ability on the stage. Equally famous sports start may feel confident going out on to a football field or athletics track but equally they may not have a hight level of self-worth which can be very unhelpful when it comes to the publicity and calls for interviews that goes with their success on the field.
But, that is not to say that by working on one, doesn’t have a knock on impact on the other, it absolutely does.
Why is it important to feel confident?
When we feel confident we put ourselves out there more. We do more. We set more fulfilling goals for ourselves. We grow our impact, our influence and ultimately our sense of social status.
When we have a perceived higher social status, we feel less anxious and so our confidence continues to grow. Life becomes more fulfilling and the more goals we set and achieve, the greater the dopamine levels in the body. Since Dopamine is a feel-good neurochemical in the body, we actually feel happier so it is true to say that in general, confident people are less anxious and more happy. Now who wouldn’t want that?
What can I do to grow my confidence?
Actually there is a lot you can do to grow your confidence. Since confidence is a belief which is tied to an action, the important thing is that you take action.
Start small. Come up with one thing you would like to become more confident at. Take for example speaking up at meetings which tends to be a common one. Set yourself a goal of speaking up and making one valuable contribution at a specific meeting. Now bring in the 3Ps -Plan, Prepare and Practice.
Plan in advance, which meeting that is. Look over the agenda. Pick something that is your area of interest and expertise.
Prepare. Know that topic well. Read up on it and read around the topic. Have and opinion but not a controversial one first time! Prepare what you might add. Also have a thing about what impact you want to have as part of your preparation. What would you like people to think of you? Prepare what you are going to wear to fit in with how you want to be percieved.
Practice in front of the mirror getting your point accross. Keep the words simple. You don’t want to be tongue tied especially as you may feel nervous when the time comes. Record yourself and play it back, watch out for the filler words which we very often are not aware of. Practice again removing these filler words, slowing down if necessary.
When it comes to meeting time, ground yourself. Take some slow deep breaths and this will calm body and mind. Lead with an affirmation e.g I am in control or I am competent whatever works for you. When the opportunity comes grab it, and add your contribution in a clear voice.
Now bank your success. Congratulate yourself on actually pushing yourself outside your comfort zone.
Rinse and Repeat!
Grow your bank and watch your confidence grow!
Apply this process to anything that you would like to become more confident at.
If you would like help in growing your confidence in any area of your life or would like to book a speaker to deliver a talk on confidence in the workplace why not reach our and book in your free discovery call to learn how